Selima Hill

from SELF-PORTRAIT WITH A BUCKET
 
 
Self-portrait with Curly Hair, Holding a Mushroom
 
 
I was so afraid of being poisoned
that if I touched a mushroom I would pray –
 
something that was strictly forbidden
by my father when I was a child.
 
Not only would he watch me, he would touch me.
I think he was distracted by my hair.
 
 
 
Self-portrait in Goggles
 
 
When I get too bored of being vertical
I strap my goggles on and count to five;
 
I slice the icy water like a knife
(albeit in goggles) slicing liver.
 
 
 
Self-portrait as Myself
 
 
If it seems incredibly self-regarding
that’s because it is.
But it’s fun!
 
When I used to sit for other people
it wasn’t fun at all.
It was wrong.
 
 
 
Self-portrait with Novak Djokovic
 
 
Here I am with Novak Djokovic.
(This portrait is obviously imaginary!)
 
He’s nibbling at a hard-boiled egg
but what he really wants is my Black Forest gâteau.
 
 
 
Self-portrait as a Pilot
 
 
I ‘divide my time’ between writing
and flying light aircraft for lepidopterists.
 
(The name ‘Selima Hill’ is a pseudonym:
I prefer anonymity.)
 
 
 
—————— 
 

from BABY PETER
 
 
 
A Good Boy
 
 
She was still at school when she had him.
On the floor. Just the two of them.
 
Did her mother help them? She did not.
Nobody, he says, enjoyed his company.
 
He was large and floppy like a beanbag.
His mother fed him cake soaked in milk.
 
She mashed the stale cake in a bowl
and stuffed his face till he fell asleep.
 
He never cried. Never made a fuss.
His mother used to say he was a good boy.
 
 
 
Strawberry Jam
 
 
It hasn’t stopped raining for days and not a soul
has passed the tent in which a large man
is cramming his face with chocolates from a bag…
Once a dog bit his mother’s breast.
They dragged her off, kicking and screaming,
 
and he was left alone in the flat
for what seemed days,
eating strawberry jam,
and when she reappeared she smelled of streets,
she smelled of streets fourteen floors below
 
where tiny men and women in dark coats
who neither eat nor sleep
and have no names
and never know he’s watching
come and go.
 
 
 
 
 —————
 
from ROOM 17
 
 
 
The Grandmother Who Loved to Chat
 
 
She loved to chat so much, the little grandmother,
you’d even hear her chatting to her fruit
 
and she’s still chatting now, but in a language
only the deceased can understand.
 
 
 
The Grandmother and Erling Haaland
 
 
Have you ever seen a naked grandmother
swaying in a doorway late at night
 
and marvelled at the breasts that hang like cheeses
hanging in the shade in muslin bags?
 
She’s on her knees. It’s better not to look.
(But why be so aghast all the time?)
 
And now she’s lying full-length in the corridor.
Her dressing-gown is nowhere to be seen.
 
And here comes Erling Haaland. And he’s waving!
But adults can be so unpredictable.
 
Maybe he is waving not at her
but at the nurse that’s on her way to kill her.
 
And now she sees, or thinks she sees, a tench.
The corridor is filling up with bilge.
 
The grandmother thinks she can’t move –
which now of course we know to be true.

SELF-PORTRAIT WITH A BUCKET
28    Self-portrait with an Armadillo
28    Self-portrait on a Bathmat
28    Self-portrait with a Beautiful Face
29    Self-portrait with the Blessed Virgin Mary
29    Self-portrait with a Book
29    Self-portrait with My Brother
30    Self-portrait with a Bunch of Roses in Front of My Face
30    Self-portrait as a Corpse
30    Self-portrait with a Cowpat
31    Self-portrait with Crawling Mothers
31    Self-portrait with a Crown of Thorns
31    Self-portrait in a Cupboard
32    Self-portrait with Curly Hair, Holding a Mushroom
32    Self-portrait as Their Daughter
33    Self-portrait, Deep in Thought
33    Self-portrait with a Doe
33    Self-portrait as a Duck
34    Self-portrait as a Footballer, Carrying a Bucket
34    Self-portrait with a Furious Headmaster
34    Self-portrait in Goggles
35    Self-portrait with a Hammer
35    Self-portrait with a Hornet
35    Self-portrait with My Husband
36    Self-portrait with a Jelly on My Head
36    Self-portrait in a Jumbo Jet
36    Self-portrait in the Kitchen with a Spoon
37    Self-portrait with a Lettuce
37    Self-portrait in the Lido
37    Self-portrait with a Mosquito
38    Self-portrait with My Mother-in-Law
38    Self-portrait as Myself
38    Self-portrait with a Neighbour Who Doesn’t Like Swimming
39    Self-portrait in 1975
39    Self-portrait with Novak Djokovik
39    Self-portrait in a Pair of Expensive Italian High Heels
40    Self-portrait with a Pair of Tweezers
40    Self-portrait with a Pan of Tomato Sauce
40    Self-portrait with a Parrot on My Shoulder
41    Self-portrait with Parsley
41    Self-portrait in a Peach-coloured Bath
41    Self-portrait as a Pebble
42    Self-portrait with a Piglet
42    Self-portrait as a Pilot
42    Self-portrait with a Pound of Flesh
43    Self-portrait in a Restaurant
43    Self-portrait in a Sauna
43    Self-portrait at the Seaside
44    Self-portrait in Several Harnesses
44    Self-portrait with a Shoe
44    Self-portrait in the Shower
45    Self-portrait in a Side Room
45    Self-portrait as a Sock
45    Self-portrait Standing in a Queue Beside a Businessman
46    Self-portrait with Straightened Hair
46    Self-portrait with a Tin of Golden Syrup
46    Self-portrait with the Toenail of a Saint
47    Self-portrait as a Tufty-eared Red River Hog
47    Self-portrait with an Umbrella
47     Self-portrait, Undressed
48    Self-portrait with an Unknown Man
48    Self-portrait with a Wall
48    Self-portrait with X in the Dark Woods

THE MATHEMATICIAN
50    Classic Cars
50    The Cake
50    Bear
51    Having to Remember Every Day
51    The Picnic
52    Far into the Night
52    Friends
52    Violins and Salad
53    The Mathematician and the Parrot
53    Friendship
53    The Value of Difficult People
54    What He Likes About His New Home
54    Sunshine
55    Eels
55    The Meeting
55    Buns
55    The Man on the Sofa (1)
56    Bananas
56    Dogs and Bears
56    The Angry Man
56    Girls Like Me
57    Doing Something Drastic About My Hair
58    The Emperor
58    Vermiculite (1)
58    And Another Question
59    The Man on the Sofa (2)
59    The Fence
59    The Colour of the Cushion
60    The Upside-down Dog
60    The Graceless Man
60    The Yellow Lorry
61    The Driver
61    The Anniversary
61    The Visitors
62    The Nursery
62    The Meaning of Barf
62    The Clap of Thunder
62    Persian Primer
63    Helping Others
63    My Friend in the Woolly Hat
63    The Nose
64    The Bear Woman
64    Dogs and Mathematicians
64    Vermiculite (2)
65    Bras in the Sun
65    The Whistling Man
65    Sunday Afternoon
66    Violence
66    Sleep
66    What I’m Trying to Say

A MAN, A WOMAN AND A CHIHUAHUA
68     A Man, A Woman and a Crossword Puzzle
68    A Man, A Woman and A Piece of Cake
68    A New Pair of Boots
68    Annabel
68    Bring Nadine
69    But People Do Love You
69    Can I Get You Something?
69    Cooked Breakfasts and Shrieks
69    Dead Flies
70    Dinner with My Father
70    Eggs
70    Expensive Cheeses
70    Field Guide to Spiders of Britain and Northern Europe
71    Friendly People
71    He’s Got More Money Than He Knows What To Do With
71    His Ebullient Aunt’s Latest Adventures in Eastern Europe and the Third World
71    His Little Sausage
71    Home
72    Ice Cream and Jelly
72    Impatience
72    It Hasn’t Stopped Raining for Days
72    J.
73    Mary
73    Midnight
73    My Bony Hands
73    My Miserable Sister
73    ‘My Miserable Sister’
74    Nudity
74    Panther
74    Peaburgers
74    PRIVATE
75    Roly
75    Sardines
75    Sex with Jockeys
75    Sheep
75    Sin
76    Swimming with the Banker
76    The Afternoon of Her Arrival
76    The Air in the Mountains
76    The Answer Is Yes
76    The Box of Chocolates
77    The Chocolate Chip Cookie That My Daughter Had Given Me
77    The Ear
77    The Empty Room
77    The Ewe
78    The Famous Museum
78    The Fox
78    The Funeral
78    The Gift
79    The Hare
79    The Heart-throb
79    The Holiday-makers
79    The Key
79    The Little Dog
80    The Lonely Son
80    The Long Boring Journey
80    The Loony-bin
80    The Man in the Ugly Shoes
81    The Man Next Door
81    The Man with Four Dogs
81    The Mental Health of Footballers
81    The Orange Towel
82    The Perfect Coat
82    The Picture of His Mother
82    The Resident
82    The Sculpture
83    The Singer
83    The Sobbing Woman Lying on the Floor
83    The Spider
83    The Swimmer and the Man in a Tweed Coat
84    The Visitor
84    The Woman by the River
84    The Woman Who Doesn’t Smile
84    Two Things I Know about the Hummingbird Hawk-moth
84    Two Women I Don’t Recognise
85    Two Women in a Restaurant
85    Uncles
85    Vodka
85    Wednesday Afternoon at the Lido
85    Welcome Home
86    What Makes Me Happy

BABY PETER
88    The Tent
88    Pig
89    Woman Alone in a Flat
90    Strawberry Jam
91    The Waltzer
91    Cuckoo
92    Baby Peter and the Cushions
92    From His Bedroom on the Fourteenth Floor
93    A Good Boy
93    The Verger’s Toes
94    Baby Peter and the Rats
94    Miserable Owls
95    Baby Peter and the Good Shepherd
95    Children in Go-karts
96    The Reservoir
96    Baby Peter Lying on the Mat
97    Catalogues
97    The Fight in the Snow
98    Orange Squash
98    The Accident
99    Beetle Mother
99    To Be the Mother of a Helpless Baby
99    Brothers for Peter
100    Pity
100    Pork
100    Baby Peter’s Orange Bear
101    Baby Peter and the Doll
101    No One Ever Tells You
102    Cake
102    Yellow Grass

AGATHA
104    The Billionaire in His Office
104    Yachts at Sea
105    In the Silence of the Hush
105    Intimacy
106    How Old is Old?
106    Whippets
106    Sunday Nights at the Care Home
107    Sadness
107    Soup
107    Old People in Tea-rooms
108    The Happy Faces of the Very Old
108    The Young
108    The Simple Fact
109    White Mice
109    Chocolate Biscuits
109    Sleepless Nights
110    The Horse
110    Like the Lost at Sea
110    The Petite Housewife
111    The Ewe
111    Chocolate-tipped Meringues
112    Rich and Famous
112    The Residents
113    George
113    The Billionairess
113    Skin
114    Smile, Smile, Smile
114    Woman in a Chair
115    The Tablecloth
115    The Elderly
116    Concrete in May
116    Ugly Shoes
116    Happy Little Faces
117    Does He Want to Reach a Ripe Old Age?
117    Men in Winter
117    Meeting the Vicar
118    Wilhelmina
118    Pool
119    The Old Exist
119    What They Still Remember
119    Being Old is Such a Waste of Time
120    Duck
120    Cooking
121    Spectacles
121    The Old Woman and the Young Man
121    People Who Are Old Don’t Have Fun
122    These Furious Adults
122    He Died the Way He Chose to Die
122    People Who Are Old Are No Fun
123    Mothers
123    The Warm Hot-water-bottle
124    What’s the Point of Being Happy?
124    People Who Are Old Can’t Be Trusted
124    Brassieres
125    The Father of the Late Billionaire
125    Success
125    Debut Novels
126    You Can Ask for Anything You Want
126    Mowing the Lawn
126    Spiders
127    Old Ladies
127    The Old Man and His Dog
128    Awe
128    Being Trampled on by Labradors
128    The Woman Who Escaped
129    Arthur
129    The Avenue
129    The Man Who Loved His Poodle
130    Mrs X
130    Josephine
130    Out Beyond the Cedars in their Wheelchairs

ROOM 17
133    The Grandmother Goes Shopping
133    A Grandmother Who Star-jumps
133    The Grandmother Goes Swimming
134    The Grandmother and Her Granddaughters
134    The Grandmother in the Park
134    The Grandmother and Coco
135    The Grandmother and Michelle at the Swimming Pool
135    The Grandmother and Her Chocolates
135    The Grandmother and the Rabbits
136    The Grandmother and the Woman Next Door
136    Grandmothers with Sweets
136    The Grandmother Relaxes
137    Grandmothers and Love
137    The Grandmother and the Visitor
137    The Grandmother and the Chickens
138    The Grandmother and the Vertiginous Hillside
138    The Grandmother and Her Carnations
138    The Grandmother and Mr Tsitsipas
139    The Grandmother in the Afternoon
139    The Grandmother and the Lion
139    The Grandmother in the Lake
140    The Grandmother and Her Bike
140    The Grandmother at the Surgery
140    The Grandmother and Her Grandson
141    The Grandmother in Her Frilly Dress
141    The Grandmother and the Pool Attendant
141    The Grandmother’s Sofa
142    The Grandson’s Teeth
142    The Grandmother and Sky-diving
142    The Grandmother and the Tweed Coat
143    The Grandmother and the Rat
143    The Grandmother and a Member of the Public
144    The Grandmother at the Station
144    The Grandmother and Her Visitors
145    The Grandmother in the Shower-room
145    The Grandmother’s Birthday
145    The Grandmother in Bed
146    The Grandmother’s Unbearable Mortification
146    The Grandmother in the Road
146    The Grandmother’s Hair
147    The Grandmother at the Pharmacy
147    The Grandmother’s Knees
147    The Grandmother Upstairs
148    The Grandmother in the Forest
148    The Grandmother and the Pears
148    The Grandmother on the Bus
149    The Grandmother’s Neck
149    The Grandmother and the Wives of Violent Men
149    The Grandmother in a Sombrero
150    The Grandmother’s Frock
150    The Grandmother and the Doctor’s Thigh
150    The Grandmother’s Shoes
151    The Grandmother’s Smile
151    The Boredom of the Late Pool Attendant
151    The Grandmother and Her Enormous Children
152    The Grandmother and the Murderers
152    The Grandmother’s New Home
152    The Grandmother’s New Friends
153    The Grandmother and the Goose
153    The Grandmother in Her Room
153    The Grandmother and Her Apples
154    The Grandson and the Doctor
154    The Grandmother on the Lawn
154    Grandmother’s Chins
155    The Grandmother and the Counsellors
155    The Grandmother Paints Her Face
155    The Grandmother Laughs
156    The Grandmother at the Grand Hotel
156    The Grandmother and her Greetings Cards
156    The Grandmother at Night
157    The Grandmother in the Flower Bed
157    The Grandmother Enjoys Her Tea
157    The Grandmother Goes for a Walk
158    The Grandmother’s Bell
158    The Grandmother at Mealtimes
158    The Grandmother and the Sound of Laughter
159    The Grandmother and Erling Haaland
160    Flocks of Sheep
160    The Grandmother Who Loved to Chat

MEN IN SHORTS
163    Men
163    Springtime
163    The Woman with the Corgi
164    Husbands
164    The Nice Cow
164    The Neapolitan Mastiff
165    Several Lovers
165    The Priest
165    Brothers
166    The Tall Policeman
166    Nishikori
166    Manliness
167    The Letter
167    The Sea
167    The Tiny Reed Warbler
168    Drowning
168    Power-boats
168    Motherhood
169    The Genius
169    Wild Flowers
169    A View of the Sea
170    Playing Cricket in the Mist
170    Cathedral
170    What It’s Like to Ride a Cow
171    The Flautist
171    Huskies
171    What My Mother Said
172    Jealousy
172    Dentistry
172    The Beard
173    Little Rabbits
173    BBQ
173    The Tubby Whippets
174    Rain
174    The Terrible Mess
174    Fathers
175    Running
175    Love
175    The Mysterious Man
176    Visitors
176    The Woman with the Lab
176    Cows
176    Our Plans for Today
177    The Man from Cheshire
177    The Word Mistress
177    The Musician
178    The Adorable Man
178    Summertime

BONKERS
181    The Afghan Hound
181    The Basset Griffon Vendeens
181    The Basset Hound
181    The Bichon Frise
181    The Boxer
181    The Bulldog
183    The Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
183    The Chow
183    The Chihuahua
184    The Cocker Spaniel
190    The Pomeranian
190    The Rhodesian Ridgeback
190    The Saluki
191      The Scottish Terrier
191    The Setters
191    The Sheltie
192    The Shih Tzus
192    The Springer Spaniel
192    The Standard Poodle
193    The Stray
193        The Weimaraner
193    The West Highland Whites
194    The Whippet
194    The Yorkshire Terrier

UNTIL THE YEARS ROLL DOWN MY CHEEKS LIKE HONEY
196    The One-legged Man
196    Birdsong
197    His Dusty Jacket and His Ice-cold Hands
197    Being Looked at by a Man Standing Very Close Beside Me
198    The Tall Giraffe
198    The Mystery of My Submission
199    Menswear
199    Please Can He Not Know a Thing about Me
200    What Other People Think
200    Sitting on the Bench like a Snail
201    Jesus and the Radios
201    Two Strangers in a Field with Some Sheep
202    My Private Life
202    It Hasn’t Stopped Raining For Days
203    Please Don’t Answer Chess
203    Alone with Me
204    The Golden Lion
204    I Need a Haircut and I Need It Now
205    The Hide-out in the Mountains
205    Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
205    Never Mention Mother
206    Bobby Fischer’s Eyes
206    The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow
206    It’s Possible to Walk in the Countryside
207    A Visit to the Grave of the Dancer
207    A Snowy Afternoon in December
208    A Slice of Cake Wrapped in Silverfoil
208    Everything About Him
209    Angry Golfers, Sinister Children
209    St Catherine of Siena and her Ring
210    My Big Worry
210    Everybody Loves Me
210    So Woebegone, So Flabby, So Alone
211    The Smile, When It Comes…
211    A Jumble of Old Radios
211    My Controversial Theory about Bobby Fischer
212    The Aeroplane
212    The Disappearing Mouse
212    Fantasy Involving a Hairbrush
213    How to Share a Banana
214    A Boring Man
214    A Man and a Woman on a Bench
214    Please Don’t Be Afraid to Meet My Eye
215    The Man Who Didn’t Sleep
215    The Man is Gone
216    Dachshunds
217    The Day He Took His Jacket Off
217    Outside the Golf Club Car Park on a Windy Day
218    Kafka’s Fear of Mice

THE SURLY MOTHERS OF SUCCESSFUL MEN
220    The Bungalow (1)
220    Palazzo Trousers
220    Ants (1)
220    My Uncle’s Private Parts
221    My Mother-in-Law Comes to Tea
221    The Boulder
221    Culottes
221    The Leg of the One-legged Jockey
221    Father (1)
222    The Man in Pyjamas
222    Wedding Day
222    Fountains
222    Foible
222    The Woman in the Purple Trousers
223    Walking Backwards
223    The Visitor Regards My Big Black Dog
223    The Surly Mothers of Successful Men (1)
223    The Dirty Look
223    The Electricity Sub-station
224    What to Teach Your Children
224    The Little Stone
224    The Man with Undyed Hair
224    The Other Person
224    Ears
225    The Wounds of Successful Men
225    Heatwave
225    The Leftover Sausages
225    Buckinghamshire
225    Roger Federer in Switzerland
226    Question (1)
226    The Visit to the Care Home
226    Uncles
226    The Doctor’s Question I Found So Hard to Answer
226    Women with Straight Hair
227    Bathmat
227    Bodies in the Snow
227    The Things He Says
227    The Holiday
228    The Residents
228    Gentleness
228    The Letter H
228    Salt
229    My Uncle’s Cooking
229    The Sister Who Didn’t Exist
229    Mouth
230    The Bungalow (2)
230    The Doctor’s Hands
230    Lip Balm
230    Girls Who Disobey
231    Pineapple Shampoo
231    The One-legged Jockey and the Cook
231    Cacti
231    My Mother’s Bed
232    The Knife
232    Timetables
232    Well-meaning Actions
232    Advice to the Reader
232    My Earliest Memory
233    Chicken
233    Symptoms
233    All My Endless Questions
233    The Orange Dress
233    The Aunt and Her Dog
234    Question (2)
234    The Lost and Found Dog Disc
234    At the Pool (1)
234    The Visitor
234    Screams (1)
235    The Sort of Person Who
235    The Man Who Was Crying
235    The Letter B
235    A Love of Punctuation
235    But What’s It Like?
236    Person Talking While Standing in the Sea
236    Her Small Son
236    Woman in a Wetsuit
236    Snakes
237    Bereavement (1)
237    Tuesdays
237    Density
237    The Library at Night
237    Screams (2)
238    The Girl Made of Glass
238    Bausch
238    The Telephone Call
238    Hope
239    The Man Who Taught Me Greek
239    The Man Shouting into His Phone
239    Question (3)
239    Women Carrying Bowls
239    Bluebell
240    My Inability to Drive
240    The Same for Everyone
240    Somewhere in Lincolnshire
240    Prayer (1)
240    Her Mother’s Cheek
241    The Poodle
241    The Timetable
241    The Interesting Tumble-dryer
241    The Elephant Kanchenjunga
241    Prayer (2)
242    The Stolen Tennis-ball
242    There’s Nothing Wrong with Ducks
242    The Widower at Night
242    In the Garden Shed when the Door Slams Shut
242    The Date
243    The Bungalow (3)
243    Child in a Flat
243    Humiliation
243    The Little Play
243    Granny and the Cloud
244    La Belle Hélène
244    Little Things Are Happening All the Time
244    Man in the Street
244    The Outing
244    Question (4)
245    The Dream of the Dreamer
245    My Dog at 9 a.m.
245    The Sound of Breaking Glass
245    The Surly Mothers of Successful Men (2)
246    The Shimmering Lake
246    Mum and the Fly
246    Ironmonger
246    September Evenings at My Grandmother’s
246    Me-Time
247    Mary (1)
247    His Other Girlfriend
247    The New Cardigan
247    The Most Interesting Thing About Me
248    Heaven
248    The Prefab
248    Mrs P.
249    Strawberry Jam
249    Who I Am
249    The Stranger’s Car
249    Smoothie at Midnight
249    Bereavement (2)
250    To the Reader
250    Fun
250    Question (5)
250    As I Tried to Explain Years Later
250    What I Asked the Person Standing Next to Me
251    China Blue
251    The Hearty Breakfast
251    The Blessed Virgin Mary Goes Swimming
251    He Told Me To Make a List (1)
251    The Surly Mothers of Successful Men (3)
252    Ants (2)
252    Weight
252    The Kitten
252    Spiders
252    My Sister’s Hair
252    Cucumber
253    He Told Me To Make a List (2)
253    Prayer (3)
253    The Problems of Taking It in Turns
253    At the Pool (2)
253    The Irish Terrier and the Irish Terrier’s Owner
254    Thicket
254    On Passing a Field with 7 Cows and 7 Sheep in It
254    The Bungalow (4)
254    Yes
254    Two Cows in a Meadow
255    You and Me
255    The Clinical Psychologist (1)
255    My Friends
255    The Surprise Birthday Present
255    My Grandmother’s Dressing-gown
256    Zvuv
256    The Clinical Psychologist (2)
256    B. on Honeymoon
256    A & E
256    Things She Wishes She Had Brought on Holiday
257    Clairvoyance
257    My Dentist’s Eyes
257    The Search
257    The General’s Pyjamas
257    My Sister Whines
258    Purity of Heart
258    Wasps (1)
258    The Barista
258    The Woman with Thick Ankles
258    The Level Crossing
259    As the Bus Sails Past My Stop
259    My First Giraffe
259    Father (2)
259    My Own Mother
260    A Simple Question
260    The Woman in the Drawing-room
260    Mary (2)
260    What to Say
261    Apricot Lover
261    My Mother in Particular
261    Herons
261    Wasps (2)
261    The Clinical Psychologist (3)
262    Pins
262    The Child Within
262    The Man Who Walks 30 Miles a Day
262    Lambs
262    Cow at Night
263    The Birthday Present
263    Ice Hockey
263    Question (7)
263    The Bishop Digs a Hole
263    Sideboard
264    The Bungalow (5)
264    The Peacock
264    Birds
264    The Loving Hand
265    Happy Birthday
265    The Parrot
265    Golf
265    Omelette
266    The Right Amount of Smiling
266    The Man Who Doesn’t Want To Be Forgiven
266    The Happy Couple
266    My Sister Accuses Me of Being an Attention-seeker
266    Faith
267    Mayonnaise
267    The Spoon (Testing My Powers of Observation)
267    The Cold Fish
268    Cookie
268    The Burning House
268    The Bungalow (6)

271    Notes & acknowledgements

In a searching, wide-ranging and often very funny exchange, Selima Hill talks to Poetry Review editor Emily Berry about being both a prolific writer and a private person, about secrecy and rebellion, embodiedness and encodedness. Her writing process is, she says, less about cutting ('which sounds so violent') and rather like 'lifting your hair – loosen, loosen, then tighten, tighten, tighten – spread it as far as you can, then tighten'. They discuss relationships with family, men, audiences, Eastern European literature and animals, including Hill’s pet giant land snail. She also describes how her diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, her experiences in psychiatric hospital, and periods of muteness have affected her writing. Hill gives vivid readings of all of her poems published in the winter 2020 issue of The Poetry Review, including ‘Standing on his doorstep’, ‘Jelly’ and ‘Berries’, from Men Who Feed Pigeons.